My Motherhood Story: Embracing the New Me

The Shift In My Universe

Today was one of those days where the walls of my new reality closed in a bit too tightly.

It’s strange, this new world I find myself in. A world where my heart is immeasurably full, yet so often, I find myself gasping for air, trying to find who I am amidst the endless cycle of feedings, nappies, and soothing cries.

The Lost Art of Spontaneity

I was always the woman with a plan, a list, a goal.

My life before was a testament to what I could achieve with enough determination and drive.

Spontaneity wasn’t just a word; it was my mantra.

I thrived on the unexpected adventures, the last-minute decisions to explore new places, meet new people, and push the boundaries of my comfort zone.

But now, spontaneity feels like a remnant of a past life.

A luxury I can’t afford.

Conflicting Emotions

I’m a mother now.

This transition into motherhood has been the most bewildering journey I’ve ever embarked on.

I have this beautiful, tiny human who depends on me for everything. I love her more profoundly than I thought possible.

Yet, I find myself grappling with feelings of sadness and anxiety. Feelings that seem to have no place in the narrative of the ‘amazing new motherhood’ society expects from me.

The Guilt of Change

It’s the silence on these issues that makes it all the more isolating.

I used to feel like a force to be reckoned with, a high achiever who could conquer any challenge thrown my way.

But now, I find myself questioning if that fire, that drive, has been extinguished by my new role as a mother.

The guilt for even harboring such thoughts is suffocating. I’m afraid to voice these feelings, to admit that sometimes, I miss the freedom and control I once had over my life.

And then there’s the fear – a constant, gnawing fear that I’m not cut out for this. That I’ll make a mistake too big to fix. It’s paralyzing, this fear.

It keeps me up at night, even when she’s sound asleep.

Every decision feels monumental, every choice a potential for regret.

I’m supposed to be happy, grateful, but instead, I feel trapped, longing for a semblance of the person I was before.

Mourning the Past, yet Embracing the Future.

I truly believe in the power of sharing, of opening up about the raw, unedited truths of our experiences. So, I’m reaching out to you, fellow mothers, in the hope of forging connections built on understanding and shared struggles.

I’m writing this down in hopes that one day, I’ll look back and see how far I’ve come. That these words will serve as a reminder of the darkness I navigated to reach the light.

Maybe then, I’ll understand that it’s okay to feel lost, to mourn the life I had before, because in doing so, I’m making room for this new, beautiful, chaotic life with my daughter.

For now, I’ll keep trying, keep struggling, keep loving, even when it’s hard.

Because she deserves that – a mother who never stops fighting, even when she’s fighting herself.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough to make me the mother I hope to be.

Where are you in your Motherhood Journey?

How have you working through the shift of your relationships post-baby?

Have you experienced moments of resentment, loss of identity, or fear for the future?

Let’s create a space where honesty wins, where we can talk about our feelings without fear of judgment, and find solace in our shared experiences.

Where are you on this journey? Let’s chat.

Author picture

Hi! I'm Virginia.
I'm a new mum like you wanting to change the way we see our motherhood journey, the good, crazy and the darn right terrible without judgment or criticism.

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